I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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