im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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