imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
