I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
