so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
