There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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