If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
