We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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