Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
