That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
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possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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