how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize