He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
