Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
