my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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