Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
