Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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