you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
