quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
