I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
