Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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