Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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