she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
