she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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