I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
