Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Less talking, more tequila
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
A+ Viking dick
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
