You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
