I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want to make out with him forever
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
