would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
