..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
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drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??