She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis