Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried

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  (570): I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried http://tfl.nu/vdpu
  Replies (20) Good night (705) Bad night (3816)
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  (516): View more from New York

  then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"

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  (516): then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already" http://tfl.nu/32w5
  Replies (18) Good night (786) Bad night (4929)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..

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  (561): My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis.. http://tfl.nu/qf8b
  Replies (43) Good night (762) Bad night (6321)
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  (661): View more from California

  My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss

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  (661): My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss http://tfl.nu/25zw
  Replies (41) Good night (6801) Bad night (949)
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  (760): View more from California

  double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors

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  (760): double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors http://tfl.nu/3oh4
  Replies (10) Good night (3744) Bad night (874)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!

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  (303): hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you! http://tfl.nu/45j7
  Replies (7) Good night (3578) Bad night (836)
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  (626): View more from California

  I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner

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  (626): I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner http://tfl.nu/0q4j
  Replies (4) Good night (3923) Bad night (929)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again

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  (905): I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again http://tfl.nu/ut4u
  Replies (2) Good night (538) Bad night (697)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.

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  (678): He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever. http://tfl.nu/2bus
  Replies (3) Good night (725) Bad night (342)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.

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  (815): His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water. http://tfl.nu/symz
  Replies (1) Good night (830) Bad night (309)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?

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  (781): What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest? http://tfl.nu/6m0u
  Replies (4) Good night (357) Bad night (482)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?

  (972): View more from Texas

  This is why american education is failing

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  (469): Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover? (972): This is why american education is failing http://tfl.nu/dkmi
  Replies (4) Good night (705) Bad night (361)
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  (408): View more from California

  We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.

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  (408): We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate. http://tfl.nu/d3a6
  Replies (0) Good night (273) Bad night (419)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far

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  (647): In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far http://tfl.nu/x45g
  Replies (8) Good night (694) Bad night (423)
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  (408): View more from California

  Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?

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  (408): Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans? http://tfl.nu/zlf3
  Replies (6) Good night (197) Bad night (555)

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