I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.