My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.