Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
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things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.