time to smoke my breakfast
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
