Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
