What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
