She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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