: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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