please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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