Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
