I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
