woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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