Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
