your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
