We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
