dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
