That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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