I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
