I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
