idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Pappa wants mamma naked
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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