I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
