you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
