just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize