I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
