I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
