I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
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I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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