We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
