Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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