Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize