Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
