I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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