my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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