i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
