So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
