He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize