He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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