Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
