my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
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Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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