anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize